1 day ago // 105,122 notes
lolsupreme: ..
vardaesque: saevuswinds: vardaesque: you don’t understand i would sell my firstborn to know how this story started Well it all started when Mrs. Hayfer wanted me to babysit her dumb house. When I got the keys, I sat them on top of this pie that I found on the counter. I knew it was going to be given to the family for desert if I didn’t eat it soon, so I was going to plan to eat it in my teacher’s house and dump all the crumbs on her bed. So it’s a win-win, right? Besides, she wouldn’t find out about the crumbs until after I was paid, and this teacher hates me anyway. Then, I got distracted when this hot cheerleader calls me, asking about what movie I’d recommend, but before I could answer, I realize that my mom would be there any second to serve dinner, and there was no way I was sharing that pie. So I bust out of there with the pie and the keys, and the moment I get in the house, I start chowing down on the pie with my bare hands, trying to eat this thing before anyone knows I took it, right? Well, since the pie crust was dry, I chugged a 2-liter bottle of soda whenever my throat would get dry and eventually, I really needed “to go.” Only when I went to flush, the water wouldn’t stop flowing and there was no plunger to be found. Usually I’d just shrug and say it was Josh’s fault or something, but let’s get real here, Mrs. Hayfer would’ve blamed me about her toilet overflowing if I was 30 states away. So I jammed my foot in there, hoping it’d make the toilet stop flushing. Then my phone rings, and I knew it was my mom, asking where her pie went, and because Meghan decided it’d be a great idea to make my ring tone a bunch of cats meowing, Mrs. Hayfer’s dog, Tiberius starts freaking out, bashing into the door over and over again. Now anyone who knows this dog knows that this dog will happily eat anything, and that includes the pie, and probably myself.  So my foot’s totally stuck in there right, I’m freaking out and I still got half a pie left.  BLESS YOU
6 days ago // 154,520 notes
i-am-mishafuckingcollins: diglettdevious: andrivette: laziestmouse: I used to work in a high street shoe shop. It had a kids department and one day the management decided to see how I’d handle customer complaints. Long story short, I was the supervisor in the kids dept. for a day. A woman came in with her 2 toddlers and a relatively new-born child. After dragging a staff-member out from the stockroom to fit the shoes. After a little while, the woman checks her watch and and catches my eye “Excuse me? Would it be okay if I feed Joey here?”. She emphasised the ‘feed’ so I had an idea of what she meant. I asked her how she would mean to do it and she smiled and grabbed a large, wide-weave poncho from her bag. She told me that she drapes it over herself to allow her son to feed from inside. I saw no problem with it and held Joey whilst she arranged herself (Little fella didn’t like me much). She carries on with her business with Joey feeding under the poncho. Another woman comes downstairs and I greet her as usual. She rounds the corner and as soon as she claps eyes on the breast-feeding scenario, she turned to me and started yelling. “You can’t let her do that here!” “And why not madam? It’s only natural” I felt like flying off the handle but I kept cool “What if the blanket was to fall off? She’d be exposing her breast to everyone in the room!” “Madam, as much as I could argue about this with you the whole day, if you continue to make a fuss about it, I will have to ask you to leave.” “I’ll be back with my husband! He wont like this!”. She stormed off back up the stairs, the manager comes down after hearing the shouting. I explained to him what had happened and he said that he will handle the complaint if there was one. I was in the right. Shouty customer comes back later (The other woman left a few minutes after the ordeal) with husband in tow. Wife points in my direction and the husband walks over to me “You the one who made my wife leave?” I’m currently scared out of my wits because the man is 6’3” and built like Thor but I manage an answer. “Yes I am but I had good reason” He then said “I know” and shook my hand and left. His wife spluttered as she tried to ask him what just happened and he turned around to her and said “for once in your life you’ve left a shoe shop without buying anything. If I can’t shake the hand of the man who did that, I don’t know what I can do” That concludes story time with George I like story time with George. George is the best story-teller.  You go George
6 days ago // 157,683 notes
6 days ago // 46 notes